Weather warning

The Government of the Angle-Saxish Kingdom has today issued a warning ahead of record-breaking hot temperatures of between 95 and 105°F expected on Monday and Tuesday. The warning covers Cumbria, Northumbria, Wales, Mercia, East Anglia, Wessex, Greater Essex, and Kent-Andred’s Weald. Her Highness Paula, Minister for Health, has advised, “Drink lots of water, wear factor 50 sun cream, don’t fool around, and stay in the shade where possible.”